Showing Face

Hi all,
Sorry I didn't do a post last week, I was having a major crisis with a book I'm working on and was lucky to get your work graded. Anyway, let's talk about Facebook. Your posts about Facebook and Myspace were interesting. Facebook has its good and bad points. I never really understood Myspace, so I never used it. I'm old, so it took me a while to break down and get a Facebook page. But I'm really glad I did. I've reconnected with a lot of friends from grade school, high school, college, grad school and my first teaching job. Pretty cool. Just the other day I got a friend request from someone I hadn't seen seen about fifth grade. Too funny.

But that brings up an interesting point, I hadn't thought about Michelle (my recently reacquainted friend) since probably 7th grade. This whole Facebook phenomenon is curious. I mean, I hadn't thought about this person in decades, literally. So, why would I want to get reacquainted? If she were really important to me, wouldn't I have stayed in touch? Why this need to reconnect now? Of course, there are people that I've tried to find but have been unsuccessful until Facebook came along. And so, for those people, it's been great. In fact, my best friend and I go back for our college homecoming every few years, We went two years ago because my nephew was going to school there. But we rarely see any of our friends. But with Facebook, we've reconnected with a bunch of people so many of us are going to homecoming in the Fall. There was one woman that we knew that we really couldn't stand and she friended us on Facebook. She looked completely different...I didn't recognize her. I thought maybe she had changed personalities as well. Another friend of ours reconnected on Facebook and ended up going to Vegas with her. Our friend was ready to go home after 12 hours. She hadn't changed. OY! I guess my point is, we connect with people on Facebook that we probably wouldn't have any desire to maintain a relationship with offline.

This leads to the idea that online communication and technology in general can lead us to have a plethora of relationships that take time away from having more in depth relationships. It's quantity versus quality. Afina wrote in her blog that Facebook leads to egocentrism. I agree. Why does anyone need to share with the world that they can't decide between Lean Cuisine pasta or pizza for dinner? I mean, do I know or understand you any better because I know about your culinary indecision? Does writing about this indecision and putting it out there for the world to see make you feel like you are important or that people care? Really??? It really drives me crazy when people write in their status updates that they're going to bed. Just go. I'm not really sure what I need to read that people are doing...in fact, I'm not really sure I need to read status updates at all. But I do. What is wrong with me? Perhaps it's the voyeur in me.

A couple of people mentioned that status updates are all about people sharing how great their life is. I agree. And maybe that's the answer to my above question. Maybe these sites are all about competition. I see how your life is and I compare mine. If the most exciting thing that you have to post is your cooking quandry, my life is way better. But, perhaps those little daily decisions are more honest than the "I have a perfect life" updates. I have a friend who posts every couple of days about her children's accomplishments, her latest acquisitions, her husband's latest doting deeds, her amazing job, and anything else that would make Elvis envious. But I also know that that's not the whole picture. There are downsides...big downsides. But these aren't discussed. I know about the downsides because I see more of the whole person. We talk on the phone, share cards and see each other face-to-face. I don't compare my life to hers; I don't need to as she's my friend, my real friend. Maybe I'm just a surface, competitive person but when I read either the every three minutes posts about the mundane or the every couple of day perfect post, I know that there's more to the story and I make judgments. Maybe that's why I don't do status updates, people can't compare what they don't know.

I do have to admit that I post status updates when I'm doing something really cool. I think I've posted four status updates in the last year...going to Germany, got Oktoberfest thumb, going to the Caribbean, going to China. Yeah, I'm one of those obnoxious people, rubbing it in how great my life is, getting to travel around the world. I kind of want to do an experiment along these lines. I don't think I've ever read a post where someone said, "had an awful day, really screwed up big...all my fault." I want to post something like that, just to see what people would say. I'm betting people would say, "Oh, I'm sure it wasn't your fault...it probably wasn't as bad as you think." Sure, they'd say that in real life, but I could talk it out and see things from a different perspective or make them see if from a different perspective. When people write about bad things that happen to them (not that they caused but happened to them), I'm thinking they want sympathy and support not honest assessment.

I guess that's what these social networking sites do; they allow us to be bolstered by garnering support, presenting the self we want the world to see, and/or deflecting reality. Kenneth Burke, a rhetorical theorist, suggests (among many theorists) that language shapes our world. By crafting the worldview that others see in regard to ourselves, we can craft our own world. The internet allows us to create this other world that may or may not reflect life outside of cyberspace. Cyberspace is really just a language construct. And because we can manipulate words, we can manipulate our world. Hmmm, that's deep. If we have these tools of construction what's so wrong about using them? Maybe it's a way to feel better about the strange culture we've created where face-to-face communication may go by the wayside, as in Wall-E. We live in a culture where fast and easy is the norm, where saying please and thank you are no longer expected, where grammar and spelling are an inconvenience. Maybe in this culture, creating a world where you don't have to work at following norms becomes a more comfortable space to just be.

OK, I think I'm just rambling now. Please share your thoughts.
Dr. Goodnow